To the amusement of many Heavy Metal music fans the world over, I was lucky enough to catch this article about a mother in Tennessee complaining of hidden pentagrams in her child’s school bus brake lights. She went so far as to call the bus lights “Satanic.”
When I look at the brake lights—and let me pause right here to say just how tickled I am that this is the topic of my blog article—I see stars. Nice, pretty, shiny stars. Sort of like the glow in the dark stars kids have on their bedroom ceilings or the kind we learned how to draw when we were kids. The bus’ lights look quite nice to me.
What does it say about the mom if all she’s seeing is Lucifer’s call? She scares me more than any of these crafty Satanists who are sneakily switching out light bulbs to spread their message of devil worship. Satanists don’t really frighten me at all, actually. When you think about it they lifted the pentagram from pagans and pagans are a pretty cool group of people. They always knew how to throw a good party. So the whole pentagram-as-a-sign-of-the-devil is just a made up thing that holds no power anyway.
So what else will this uber-religious mom attack? If brake lights aren’t off-limits, where is the line for absurdity now? Guess what — school buses look a whole lot like Twinkies! Seriously, they’re yellow and oblong like Twinkies. What if an anti-Twinkie mom looks at a bus and sees a rolling endorsement for diabetes and childhood obesity? To other people it looks like a long brick of cheese. What if someone else feels that having buses that resemble cheese is very insensitive to those who are lactose intolerant? Well, we can’t have that now can we?
Change the lights, change the color, change the shape! Change it all and if it won’t get changed we must call the local news and hold protests. Ahhh, the South… what would we do without your heavy-handed political and religious righteousness mixed with bat shit craziness? Thanks for keeping the news interesting.