So I was taking a pleasurable after dinner nap this past evening (because I can be incredibly lazy) when my foray into a psychedelic Austenland was abruptly interrupted by the bays of a thousand hounds of hell. The reason for the frenetic chaos? Two very unwanted visitors were on my front porch and knocking on my door, hoping to have a word.
Admittedly I was already cranky when I opened the door, so when I was greeted by a couple of fresh-faced Jehovah’s Witnesses rather than say an impromptu delivery of Edible Arrangements or boxes of chocolate, I was not nearly as willing to listen to their speech before turning them away as I ordinarily would have been.
Now I have nothing against Jehovah’s Witnesses or any religion normally…what I dislike are unannounced visitors on my doorstep waking me up only to push their wares on me (whether it’s of a religious or Tupperware variety makes no difference to me). I’m not antisocial. I just like peace and quiet and undisturbed naps.
So, anyway — when asked if I had heard the word of Christ, I preemptively said (with a straight, if grumpy, face, mind), “Why yes I have, but there are unrepentant heathens living in this house. There’s a Norse pagan with a Loki obsession, a Zen Taoist with conflicted morals, and an atheist with questionable judgment.”
I could see they were fighting to understand even as the younger one complimented my tattoos and the older one (apparently having looked through a window) nicely commented on the video game my son was playing at the time. Luckily my daughter was in a back room and not having one of her more weird conversations with a cat, that we could hear anyway, although the reaction to that might’ve been really interesting to see. I did wish them well (see, I AM a nice person) before sending them on their way.
I figure this will either get us blacklisted from their list forever…or else — and this did not occur to me until much, much later — we will be placed on their “special” list of people that they feel need the most attention in order to “save.” Knowing my luck, that’s what will happen. I’m hoping it’s the former. If only so I can nap in peace.
If it’s the latter…I’m going to have to seriously look into moats, or remote-controlled tilting sidewalks (with cool slides back to the street)…or something. Because naps, well they should just be sacrosanct.