So I somehow found myself in the liquor store tonight…not sure how that happened. I must’ve made a wrong turn somewhere. But since I was there anyway, I figured I might as well look around for something yummy to take home. A migraine, a long day, and the frustration borne of people and events I can’t control seemed to indicate something along the lines of 70 proof were desperately needed in my bedtime coffee refreshment.

While on my field trip to the one liquor store (we have three) in my town that stays open past 8:00 p.m., I studied the choices and had narrowed the decision down to Bailey’s (never a bad idea if you ask me) and Pinnacle Vodka — whipped cream flavor. Because really. Who doesn’t love whipped cream?

As I looked around the store at the other offerings, I was amazed at some of the “newer” libations that are being produced, either aimed at young people with no money and a yen to party or to people who just couldn’t care less what the hell they’re drinking.  There was a huge, almost keg-size, plastic, plastic mind you, bottle of Blue Raspberry Vodka for $7.99. Now when faced with such a monstrosity, you could go one of two ways — you could say wow, that’s really cost efficient and I must have it for jello shots and bad decision-making, or you say to yourself damn that’s some cheap ass liquor and rather than Blue Raspberry it likely tastes like rubbing alcohol and move on to the “good stuff,” shaking your head…all depending on your social standing in the world.

But I was quite impressed because not only did the company who brewed this concoction do so on a budget, they also had the forethought to put the stuff in a plastic bottle. An absolute necessity for those about to imbibe on a barrel of vodka. No shattered glass with its accompanying mess and hospital visit for cut feet or hands…and certainly no bashing over the heads of the other party-goers. At least not with conviction anyway. Safety first people. Safety first.

There were also mason jar shaped bottles of so-called moonshine. Which just made me laugh because my grandparents and great-grandparents used to run the real deal, so seeing a trumped-up version complete with a “plain brown wrapper” label selling in the store for $8.99 a bottle was amusing. If it’s brewed by licensed, tax-paying distillers it’s more accurate to call it white whisky, which many distillers do. However, others like the PR, if not the history, behind calling their weak knock-offs moonshine. But I’m sorry, if it doesn’t taste like turpentine, it’s just not the “good stuff.” George Jones had it right, you know. White Lightning indeed.

I do enjoy looking at the various labels though. Some are just beautiful and I would love to buy them just to have the bottles. Others not so much. But they’re all interesting to take in.  In fact, I found a few that I just had to share.

Anyone who says that grain alcohol has no taste is either wrong or already drunk. It usually tastes of rubbing alcohol and when taken straight, burns worse than any whiskey I’ve ever encountered (don’t ask me how I know this). The only reason to buy grain alcohol is to get drunk or to spike the punch at prom. Plain and simple. It has no merit on its own – unless of course you’re looking to make Molotov cocktails. For that I imagine it’s perfect. Gotta love the warning labels though.

I thought this label was beautiful. Regardless of the contents, I’d love to buy it just for the bottle.

Okay, of course I had to share this one, right? I mean, bacon just seems to be taking over the world. Why not our alcoholic beverages? I know a lot, and I mean A LOT, of people who would buy this and enjoy it. Or at least say they do anyway. It’s the principle of the thing.

Oh, and in case you’re wondering, Pinnacle Whip Cream Vodka was the refreshment of choice this evening. Vodka from France. Go figure.