Online Hating…I Mean Dating

Raise your hand if any of you readers have started to wade into the cesspool that is online dating. Chances are any of you who have been single for a while have a hand in the air right now. (If you’re not single and you raised your hand, shame on you!)

Match. eHarmony. OKCupid. JDate. Farmer’s Only (the jingle for which haunts me even now). Bemoan their existence all you want, but dating via social media is becoming the standard in how people meet. Answering a litany of personal questions in the hopes that some stranger’s answers will match yours is just the way the world works now.

It’s wonderfully efficient, I’ll give it that. But you know what’s missing…romance! And wonder. And serendipity. And excitement of the unknown. You know the feeling. The feeling when you’re in a bar and catch the eye of someone across the room. The rest of the night is spent trying to position yourself in a place to where you two will run into each other, but totally by accident (wink-wink). Then you have this alluring stranger in front of you that is just filled to the brim with unanswered questions. It’s so thrilling!

If you haven’t been turned off to the idea of online dating after the initial (and inevitable) barrage of bathroom selfies so men can show off their package, you’ll find that the whole experience is more like a job interview than a romantic encounter. Here you are, on your first date, sitting across from someone and you already know that they prefer the lights on during sex and had a cancer scare about five years ago.

Way too much information is available going into a first date nowadays! Say that you somehow make it past the first date and have a few more dates with the person. Congrats, but don’t get too comfortable. He or she could be messaging and swiping and snap-chatting with dozens of other people to find “the one.” Or two. Or three.

Women have to worry that the guy isn’t a creeper who lied about everything on his profile page or worse, an unrepentant ax murderer who’s going to toss you in his trunk for a night of fun. Men have to worry that the girl isn’t a psycho who will show up hysterically screaming at his office if she gets an auto-email from the dating site he’s signed up for or god forbid, he doesn’t return her text in 2.5 seconds flat.

Whatever happened to the good ol’ days of going out, getting drunk, and making bad decisions? Simpler times, my friends. Simpler times.


I don't know...he seems pretty legit. And sensitive. To swipe right or not to swipe right. That is the question.

I don’t know…he seems pretty legit. And sensitive. Hey, he likes dogs!  My kinda guy. To swipe right or not to swipe right. That is the question.

13 thoughts on “Online Hating…I Mean Dating

  1. Hey, Bill looks like the man for you provided he’s not living with his mother of course. And don’t think twice about that giant walk-in freezer he may have in his basement. that’s for long term storage.

  2. I could go on and on and on and on and on and on about online dating … but that was 2007 and finally got married to someone I did NOT meet online. Online dating gave me some good experience — especially about what I did NOT want in a mate. No regrets … probably would do it again if I had to … but that’s not even in the picture.

  3. I gave up online dating a couple of years ago, after two years of excessive baggage, pervs, spammers, serial daters and only one guy I really liked who ended up moving out of state. These days, I prowl the aisles of the grocery store, waiting for an opportunity to accidentally ram a handsome man with my cart…

  4. You hit the nail right on the head: the process is too much like a job interview to be fun. By the time I’m finished answering questions and describing my personality, even *I* can’t stand myself.

    The best part was answering all of eHarmony’s questions and then getting no matches. NO matches!

    Clearly, honesty is the worst policy for online dating.

  5. yep, i’ve recently returned to online dating, myself. it’s always a trip, thanks for following and reading my misadventures ) best, beth

  6. I’m dating again – online and IRL. Blogging about my various relationships too. It is such a strange process – an interview to see if you are compatible for the job of being someone’s mate. Great blog.

  7. My experiences have been startling to say the least. I’d have been better off with an axe murderer at least I would have learnt my lesson and not kept at it 😂

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