Library Shenanigans

I was waiting for my daughter to finish with her tutor yesterday at the library, and having already chosen the books I was taking home, I got a little bored.  So, I decided to amuse myself.

  • I grabbed a thick atlas off the Geography shelf and slammed it open at a table full of people. I pored over one page with a magnifying glass while mumbling “There it is!  The biggest treasure in history, just like Grandpa told me, right here on page 98!  He was right; I’m rich!”  Then, I slammed the book shut and put it back on the shelf full of atlases.
  • I went to the Wildlife section and made bird calls from behind the shelf any time anyone came over. My repertoire is quite impressive I’ll have you know.
  • I chose one person and followed him all around the library. Hiding behind the shelves, I kept popping my head out and whispering, “I see you.”
  • I found a book about time travel, then waited for people to come down the aisle before rifling through the pages and muttering angrily, “If only they knew. I could have saved them all.”
  • Strolled up to the librarian and announced, “I’ll have a Big Mac, small fries, and a diet Coke.” She was not amused.
  • I walked out of the bathroom with a thick book and said, “Geesh, I wouldn’t go in there for a while.”
  • I brandished a genealogy book over my head, screaming, “I knew it! Bow down before me!”
  • I read a comic book and kept spewing a running commentary of the entire thing. “Don’t go in there, Batman! Don’t do it! Oh, snap, he went in! Look out!”
  • Grabbed a book on dream interpretation and thumbed through it, feverishly mumbling “Giant mutant flying cannibalistic panda bears…”
  • Paged through a cookbook while sitting at a crowded table, whispering, “Where IS that kitten stew recipe?”
  • Pretended to have a heart attack in front of the CPR manuals. No-one noticed.
  • Built a fort out of books about forts.  The brilliance of this was lost on the security guards. They have no appreciation for genius.

They say I can be allowed back in the library by 2018, with adult supervision. No fair if you ask me.

14 thoughts on “Library Shenanigans

  1. Last week I watched that ridiculous film -The Day After Tomorrow’ when a group of people shelter in the National Library in Washington and make a fire to keep warm. They burn all the valuable books but it doesn’t seem to occur to them to save the books and burn the shelves instead. With the rest of the World wiped out by extreme cold and only these lame brains left to save the human species I didn’t hold out much hope for a sequel!

    • I’ve never seen that movie. I would have to be in desperate times indeed to burn books. That’s really sort of stupid of the moviemakers anyway because shelves would burn longer and hotter than books. I guess they just wanted to be dramatic and felt books would give it more flair even if less practicality?

  2. They would have called the cops on me LONG BEFORE I ever had the chance to finish stalking that one “chosen” person.
    And probably pressed charges against me to boot

  3. Inspired madness! When you are allowed back (with adult supervision) you could always go back on a leash for dramatic effect. I just don’t know which would be best, you in a “furry” costume, your leash-holder in some nice studded leather S&M attire – or, of course, both! Either way, I volunteer!

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