Valentine Musings

Exactly 1,792 years ago, in the Central Italian town of Terni, a little boy was born who would grow up to be the subject of over 150 million greeting cards a year, second only to those sent at Christmas. His name was Valentinus of Terni. As an adult he was quite good at converting the Romans to Christianity. This didn’t sit too well with the Roman Emperor Claudius. When the 43 year-old Valentinus politely refused the Emperor’s suggestion to stop converting Romans, Claudius had him beheaded on February 14th, 269.  Ahhh. Good times.

And that’s why on February 14th of every year we celebrate Valentine’s Day by giving flowers, candy, jewelry, and greeting cards to those we love.  Yeah, I’m sorry. I just don’t see the connection.  It actually wasn’t until the Middle Ages that people started celebrating Valentine’s Day.  Now, here we are, centuries later, with the notion of gifting our loved ones with chocolates and over-sized bears a part of our cultural fabric, except for that brief, yet fun, period when insults were all the rage.

It starts in kindergarten. First, making a little construction-paper and doily covered mailbox to hold all our valentines – that was my favorite part, I’ll have to admit. Then exchanging little cards with each other, the teacher making sure that everyone got one. In grade school, we’d make construction-paper red and white hearts for our parents and a select few of our more crush-worthy classmates. In junior high (this was in the years before “middle school” became a thing), we became much more selective, and secretive, when acknowledging Valentine’s Day with classmates.  With high school (at least, my high school) came the single roses or carnations sold by the PTA for $2 a piece…flowers that would be delivered to the classrooms at some point in the day for all our fellow students to behold and admire.

As adults, we moved on to more serious gift giving. Last year, Americans spent $19.7 billion on Valentine’s Day gifts. I’m pretty sure that the majority of that money was spent on gifts to soothe ruffled feathers, hold on to troubled relationships, or for relationship “prospecting.” But hey, whatever moves the economy along and provides for 50% off candy the day after, I’m all for it. At least, the 50% off candy part.

As for me, I’m spending Valentine’s Day as a single person this year. Believe or not, I find it quite liberating.  Single adults have been emancipated from what I call “The Great Valentine’s Day Duty Dash.” You’ve all probably witnessed this great phenomenon. It is a double tidal wave of frantic people flooding CVS, Walgreens, Rite Aid, and 7-11 stores across the country, desperately looking for something (preferably not too expensive) that they can give a significant other to celebrate a holiday that somehow was able to sneak up on them.

The first wave arrives on the evening of February 13th. They look like a horde of locusts stripping a Kansas wheat field. Candy, cards, cheap perfume, wine, flowers, teddy bears, candles, Gillette Venus shaving kits.

The second wave arrives around 5:00 PM on February 14th. Rush hour. The stores have desperately tried to restock the shelves, but not much is left.  People begin to realize that if they don’t come home with a Valentine’s Day gift, they might as well just not go home. When they discover that the last of the Snickers bars and My Little Pony Lip Gloss are gone, they fall to the floor and begin flipping about like tuna on the deck of a fishing boat.

As a single person, you don’t have to prove anything to anyone. The angst of buying the “right gift,” or any gift, is gone. The decisions about the appropriateness or cost of a gift are non-issues. After spending more years than I would like to admit stressing out over being faulted on my gift choices – as well as my reaction to gifts given to me, I’m glad to have a break in the routine. When I was younger, I didn’t think it would ever be possible, but my experiences have dimmed the shine of cupids and hearts and hastily thrown together reservations at that candlelit Italian restaurant. And that’s okay too. That life was not all it was cracked up to be, trust me, and no amount of Valentine’s Day pageantry would’ve fixed it. I’ve since found that what I want in a relationship is something deeper, something real, something that doesn’t need to be glossed over with decorative red and pink trappings to keep it afloat.  Now, I have different romantic goals.

When my soulmate and I do connect on Valentine’s Day? It won’t be with heart-shaped boxes of candy and cards and cute stuffed animals or a reservation at that exclusive, yet somehow still overly crowded, restaurant with a fixed holiday menu. It will be with whiskey and action movies and dancing in the living room. And ice cream. Or cheesecake. I’m good either way.

6 thoughts on “Valentine Musings

  1. haah – nice history and I like the choices you have for this holiday. I was just hearing another “diamond” commercial and had to chuckle – we always say that V-day (classic ways of celebrating with the choc, flowers, etc.) is for daters (or marriages in trouble) ha

  2. The day after Valentine’s Day and the day after Halloween – two biggest REAL holidays of the year. DISCOUNT CHOCOLATE! Now we just have to figure out a way to have some holiday with a societal imperative to give alcohol or be considered a total loser so that we can rack up some discount liquor on the day after!

    May all of your Valentine’s Day wishes come true!

  3. People worry about this country becoming more autocratic, and about us citizens losing more and more of our Constitutional rights and liberties
    …and yet, here we still have decades of self-imposed social mandates so many dutifully yield to and even get stressed out about.
    So ….who are the REAL tyrants? Government, businesses, or WE OURSELVES?

  4. The important thing is that you did connect with your sweetie. Good for you.

    What I hate about all gift-giving holidays is simply that we “have to” participate in them. Because we might be labeled an uncaring ass if we don’t. So….the whole thing ends up to be “going along with it” and buying something just to keep-the-wheels-greased and not be the bad guy. Sigh. Just look at the frantic-ness of last minute Xmas shoppers on Dec.20, 21, 22. Why put ourselves through that. OR—the person who already has everything they want, and we wrack our brains with what can we possibly get them (that they won’t throw away or not use) *this* year? Ughhh….why all the pressure?

    Sometimes I wonder if I should tell a little-white-lie and tell folks I’m a jehovah’s Witness, (I’m not)—because then it would “be OK” to not participate in holidays and all the stress. But I haven’t done that.

    I wish it were 1. Your birthday and 2. your Anniversary. That’s it. There would be far less pressure throughout the year. But what I would do is….”spontaneous surprises”. Playful, happy ones. No occassion. Holidays are “mechanical”. When you we aren’t “expecting” anything, because we always get something on those days, its all the better.

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