Phone Misconduct

Okay, so have you ever been walking down the sidewalk, minding your own business, enjoying a nice hot caramel soy latte? The sidewalk is clearly wide enough for two, three, even four people to pass by each other without bumping shoulders. Yet, it happens. Or almost happens. Someone comes amazingly close to running directly into you and as you dance a side-step to get out of the way, your latte ends up decorating your shirt.

And why? Because the person who caused this coffee disaster (and the reason why you have to keep explaining the stain on your chest for the rest of the day) was looking down at their phone, mindlessly poking at the screen instead of watching where they were going.

This is something I’ve seen happening more and more lately and quite frankly it’s frustrating as hell. Not so much the near collisions that would send my latte flying to the ground, but rather the lack of awareness many people have for those around them. Since when did the person or email or text or game on the phone gain priority over the flesh and blood human right in front of you?

Without noticing the presence of others, without that silent communication that exists when you spot someone else on the street or sidewalk or aisle, there’s only going to be more crashes and basic overall breakdowns in a smooth-running society.

Or how about this… you’re in the check out line at a store. It ought to be going quickly, no-one in front of you is buying anything of substance and the cashier’s on her game. But there’s always that one. That one who can’t put down their phone long enough to deal with the issue at hand, namely, putting their groceries up on the conveyor belt or paying attention to the cashier who’s trying to explain that the coupon they just handed to her expired three years ago.  Oh, okay, yeah, let’s all wait for the ten minutes it takes you to find your bank card because you only have one hand to dig through that cavernous purse of yours because the conversation about your coworker’s drunken fling at last week’s convention being the talk of the office is just that Earth shattering and you wouldn’t dream of setting down the phone for ten seconds. Ugh. Here we go. That’s a chip on your card… insert don’t swipe. No, it’s a chip.  It’s. A. Chip. Putting in that pin and talking can be quite the feat, yeah, I know… chewing gum and walking has the same effect on you, I bet. There you go, you got it. A great deal slower cause you’re distracted, but you got there in the end. Oh, okay. We’re going to do the whole slo-mo thing with placing your bags in the cart are we? Oh sure, offering your phone mate advice on holiday menu plans takes precedence… I mean, of course it does. Silly me. And off they go, with no concern whatsoever for the cashier just trying to do her job or the people they’ve held up in line, because they’re in their own little world still chatting away on the phone.

More interesting than the people utterly engrossed with their phones are the people who have no sense of privacy when they’re speaking on the phone. I’m talking about the people who yell into their phone while on the bus or subway or walking down the grocery aisle so that everyone within 20 feet knows exactly what happened to Rhonda at the foot doctor last week.  And trust me.  We’d rather not know. They open up their personal stories to the public which can become a little embarrassing to the people eavesdropping who don’t really want to be eavesdropping.   I sit there and think, “Wow, I really wish I wasn’t able to hear this right now.” At least that’s the cleaned-up version of what I sit there and think.

Alas, sometimes you’re stuck next to a person who has absolutely no sense of propriety or the concept of low voices. Thus, you’re getting all the details on how Kevin’s dog’s surgery went (the lump was removed successfully I’m happy to say!) and how bad of a kisser Mr. OKCupid was even after four Long Island Ice Teas (how truly awful for you, Judy!).

Inside voices people, inside voices!  And remember — you’re in public. Not only do we not want to be subjected to the gruesome horror story of your facial wart removal, but other people depend on you so they can get where they need to go without incident — so please try to keep those eyes up as you’re strolling along and for god’s sake, when interacting with others, put the damn phone down.

Thank you for listening. I can text this to you as well if you’d like.

10 thoughts on “Phone Misconduct

  1. You are like a communist, or something, equally, terribly, good. How dare you suggest that i-phones have not liberated humanity, but enslaved us, further?
    Probably, the legal penalty, would be much worse if you grabbed and threw that i-phone to the ground, than if you actually did the same thing to the person.
    I-phones are more important.

  2. Worse yet is seeing the driver if the car next to you on the highway with phone on steering wheel, back of hand holding phone the only driver contact with car control texting at 60 mph.

    • In my state, law prohibits the use of a handheld phone while driving (including for phone calls, texting, being online, etc.). Of course, people still do it and like you, I find it enraging to be going down the highway and look over to see someone with their phone up to their ear.

  3. I think you speak for many of us. Pleas ad the fact that people are FORCED to tell you things you don’t want to hear but they can’t stop because it’s part of their job to TELL YOU EVERY SINGLE THING they want you to buy or sign up for and even if you tell them to STOP TALKING, they CAN’T, so you just walk away or hang up and wish the world wasn’t the way it was.

  4. I think the problem is that we’ve short-circuited Darwinism here, allowing these clowns to thrive while being incredibly stupid while we compensate and watch out for them.

    I have a solution.

    Bring back… NINJAS!! Not necessarily the “Kill Bill” class of nijas, but at least the ones that will sneak around and jump out of nowhere to smack you with a stick. If we had ninjas ready to jump and smack at any moment while we were walking along the sidewalk or in the store, you can bet folks would be paying a lot more attention to their surroundings!

    (Or someone would get rich with a “Ninja detector” app for our phones…)

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