Till Death (or ridiculously bratty behavior) Do You Part

It’s not exactly the season for weddings, but what the hell. Bridezillas. Amirite? Can’t live with them, can’t leave them on the side of the road, um, I mean altar. Many relationships are thrown to the wayside because of the horrible behavior of certain brides-to-be. Some people will say it’s the stress of wanting everything to be perfect on that perfect day as guests gather to celebrate that perfect couple on that, you know, perfect day. I’m not so sure. I think it’s more likely that these bridezillas were always a little full of themselves and they’re simply showing their true selves at a time when those in their social circle are less likely to balk at their increasingly narcissistic demands due to the traditional mindset of “this is the bride’s day.”

Imagine your dearest friend tells you the good news (of course, that phrase is relative) of her engagement. She asks you to participate in the day that “every little girl dreams of” (seriously, are we still so archaically inclined?). You congratulate her with a hug and a smile. Perhaps there’s some smugness there if you’ve managed to avoid the trap of matrimony. Or maybe you’re masking disappointment and resentment because you are still waiting for your “forever” partner. Either way, you congratulate her. You effervesce appropriately about her upcoming nuptials, the most important day of her life (is it though?).  She hands you a slip of paper.

Now on this slip of paper, you imagine there to be beautifully handcrafted calligraphy. This paper, you imagine, proclaims the bride’s affection and the honor of having you by her side as she embarks on this new journey. You consider not reading it in front of her because emotional reactions make you uncomfortable, best friend or not, and you are just about full on the sentimentality for the moment. But it is your best friend after all, and you catch the bright gleam in her eye (which, in hindsight, might’ve been a clue), so you shyly look down. There on the paper, where swirling curves of sincere penmanship and affirmations of undying friendship should lie, rests typed words in the conglomeration of a list.

Hmm, you wonder briefly if it’s a mistake before reading further, and the horror sets in. These are not loving words of gratitude but demanding orders to dictate your new role in your so-called friend’s life. The demands may include anything from the hairstyle you are allowed to wear during the wedding (hair color included) to suggestions on weight loss and tattoo cover-ups to how much you must spend on your dress, bridal and wedding gifts, bouquet, and destination bachelorette party. Sadly, this is not a trope resigned to the film and tv industry but an all-too-real experience for many unfortunate bridesmaids across the country.

One bride forced the bridal party (children included) to pose for pictures in the pouring rain. Of course, the bride and groom were blessed with umbrellas. Some brides ask guests to wear specific colors, way-too-specific clothing styles, the no makeup look, or certain hairstyles. This goes beyond the routine “formal – black tie optional,” “cocktail” or “semi-formal,” and I can only assume it’s a misguided attempt to keep the focus on the bride. What about the bride who specifies the minimum allowed wedding gift purchase? Yeah, okay, my wedding is next month, and all guests must show up with a $500 plus wedding gift while wearing puce pantsuits, bowl-cut hairstyles (no inauthentic hair colors please!), and absolutely no makeup allowed! You laugh. But it happens.

Some brides use their wedding party as free labor. One bridesmaid complained of her friend’s goth wedding and the hand cramps and burned fingers that resulted. Apparently, the wedding party was “asked” to learn calligraphy to write the hundreds of handmade invitations the bride couldn’t trust to professionals. To complete the theme, they were required to seal them with hot wax. 

In true bridezilla fashion, one woman physically assaulted the shuttle driver when there wasn’t enough room for the entire wedding party. That outburst left them all stranded on the side of the road.

I read a story about a bride demanding that a bridesmaid either let her wear the bridesmaid’s necklace or take it off as it “looked nicer” than the bride’s jewelry. The bridesmaid had previously asked if personal jewelry was allowed. On top of that, the necklace was a dainty opal not the Crown Jewels. What the hell, folks?

Far too many brides choose outlandishly expensive dresses and leave the wedding party with the bill or demand the bridesmaids pay for the bouquets and entire bachelorette party at a costly destination event of the bride’s choosing and “day of” gifts for the bride. Perhaps the topper was a bride who, having worn a dress that required the assistance of three other women for bathroom functions, slapped a bridesmaid when she would not wipe her. Needless to say, that was the end of that friendship. Or at least, I sure hope it was.

These stories are just the tip of the iceberg and don’t even get me started on brides who willfully demand to exclude their partner’s children or friends and family who may have disabilities for fear of *gasp* marring the perfect photos of the perfect day. One bride-to-be had the gall to seek ways to ban her 3-year-old future stepdaughter from the wedding day (despite the groom’s excitement about having her included … or perhaps because of?), saying: “She’s three. I am marrying him not his crotch goblin. That’s his mistake not mine. I don’t want her there because she’s needy asf and makes everything about her.” All I can say is that I hope the groom discovered her true intentions and reexamined his relationship with this horrible human being.  

Too many relationships across the world have suffered under the demands of brides with ridiculous expectations. So, if you ever find yourself with your best friend from college or third cousin twice removed handing you a slip of paper or bestowing on you the “honor” of being her bridesmaid, perhaps you should think long and hard before answering yes. It just may be the perfect time to plan that year-long sabbatical.

2 thoughts on “Till Death (or ridiculously bratty behavior) Do You Part

  1. Arrived on the day I was asked to pay for elaborate funeral rites of distant relative of my husband’s, due because husband is titular head of the family clan. Husband not happy about the situation, but not able to refuse, so neither can I. Customs that impose hardship and can be exploited by the greedy or narcissistic are world wide, sadly.

  2. There are so many ‘Entitled Bridezillas’ videos on YouTube and every social media you can think of has a section where you can share your Bridezilla encounters. I don’t know what it is about this day that makes possibly normal people (there are Groomzillas too you know!) act like entitled asshats.

    I, as a little girl, never dreamed about my wedding. Never even THOUGHT about weddings until I was engaged. I’ve been a bridesmaid a few times before this, but thankfully, the friends I keep don’t have weird demands at all. Well, weird for their friends at least. All I wanted was for the bridesmaid’s to wear a certain color. Hair, style of dress, make up, tattoos, I did not care about. The groom wore suits, anything extra beyond that, neither I nor the groom cared.

    Our major concerns: Are you coming? Do you need special accommodations? Do you have any food allergies or dislikes? Are there anyone in the family you can’t stand and would like someone to play defense (yeah, little weird, but better than the two family members getting into it on a wedding day)? For the bridal party it’s this color for the bridesmaids dresses, this color for the groomsmen, boutonnieres and bouquets will be provided, wear comfortable clothes in colors specified as well as comfortable shoes. Any extras as long as they’re approved are on you.

    And guess what? It went beautifully! I was stressed of course, the hairstylist who was highly recommended pissed me off (she put my hair half up in a pony tail and tried to charge me over $100 for it. She didn’t add anything, she didn’t curl or wash my hair; nothing special. A hairstyle my 8 year old niece could have done for free. And yes, I spoke to her WEEKS before about what I and the members of my bridal party was interested in and she assured me she’d do some great updos. I also had to wake up before the sun was up on my wedding day to get in to see this woman for just me. I walked out dropping a $10 bill and ended up at the local beauty school where one of the girls there did a PHENOMENAL job on my and my bridesmaids’ hair. The wedding wasn’t until the afternoon, so thankfully we had a bit of time to go elsewhere), and the decorator wanted to decorate the place where we were having the wedding (it was an outdoors wedding) in a way neither me nor groom liked or wanted or even talked about with them. Just out of the blue, with ribbons that weren’t the wedding colors. Had to deal with that between hair appointments.Because the decorator wouldn’t talk to anyone but me about the decorations. Groom told her no, maid of honor told her no, I told her no and had to threaten to fire her if she did it. And we had already talked about what we wanted on site, with the damn decorator.

    Sorry, didn’t mean to talk about my personal wedding woes!! But yes, bridezillas and groomzillas are the Fing WORST!! Some of the things I read and watch are just….if they had been a friend, after that they sure in hell would not be. And of course it’s not just the bride and groom that can ruin a perfectly good day.

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