Has this ever happened to you? It’s a nice, crisp, fall weekend evening after a long, hard week of work and you’re ready to cuddle up with some cider, a blanket, and a spooky movie – as one does this time of year – when all of a sudden, boom!  All hell is unleashed on you and your home through that nefarious streaming platform… Disney+.

No? Didn’t think so.

A Texas mom recently voiced her concerns about the new kids’ Halloween movie “Hocus Pocus 2” on the scariest place known to mankind: Facebook. From there, her warning to other parents went viral and the internet exploded into fiery pits of discussion threads mainly consisting of like-minded “Christians” killing the vibes of spooky season. Jamie Gooch, head fun-sucker, stated that “the whole movie is based on witches harvesting children for blood sacrifices” which is, ironically, the same thing Texas conservatives say about pro-choicers. I don’t know about you, but I sense a theme.

In interviews, Gooch goes on further to say, “Everybody thinks it’s fake and innocent, but they could be casting any type of spell that they want to, anything could be coming through that TV screen into your home.” Which is beyond ridiculous logic. I mean, come on. I am an avid viewer of “The Great British Baking Show” and “Love Island” but I have never once had a hot British snack, um, you know, a scone, come through my TV. Even when I prayed AND tried numerous spells.

Gooch, perhaps unsurprisingly, identifies as a Christian and stated that she and her family have not participated in Halloween in about four or five years because they’re not like regular Christians, they’re cool Christians. Okay, that last part I did make up, but it’s not hard to imagine Gooch trying to use a “Mean Girls” pop culture quote to her advantage when we all know she’s the type of person who would constantly try to make fetch happen.

She did in fact say that “For a Christian, we are held at a higher standard.” But I think Rotten Tomatoes would disagree. “Hocus Pocus 2” received a 63% on the tomatometer scale, while “The Passion of the Christ” got a 49% – define higher standard, Gooch.

It’s no surprise that right-wingers are so vehemently and loudly against any form of entertainment surrounding witchcraft. Witchcraft at its core is female centric. But hey, to be fair, they don’t like wizards either. Or at least, not the magical kind. Remember back in the late 1990s and early 2000s when the alt-right religious folks were so afraid of the Harry Potter novels? Even though the series got a generation of kids loving books, they called for a boycott to “save the children’s souls” and in some areas, the books were publicly burned “to fight demonic influence.” Conservatives were quick to write off J.K. Rowling entirely because of all the wizardry and magic, yet 20-some years later it turns out she has more in common with their bigoted views than we could have imagined. Quite frankly, conservatives, you can have her, and we’ll gladly keep the Sanderson Sisters.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to try and cast a spell for that hot British snack.

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