So Many Questions

Today, I called off work because I’ve hurt my back. That’s not what I want to tell you about though. While at the store to get meds for said hurt back, I saw, or rather, heard, something I do want to tell you about.

A woman was at the customer service desk returning a bag of unopened sunflower seeds. You know, the kind that are found in flavors like ranch or chipotle or just plain salted. Was it the flavor that dissatisfied her? No. Were they stale or perhaps outdated? Again, no. So what could be wrong, you ask?

Well, in a word, sunflower seeds. Oh, wait. That’s two words. Still valid.

A lengthy conversation was had, but what it came down to was: the woman does not like sunflower seeds. I’ll repeat. She was returning them because she does not like sunflower seeds. Yet, and here’s where it gets a little confusing, she bought sunflower seeds.  One could presume the woman knows her own likes and dislikes. You know, as one does. But again, I keep coming back to the fact that she — not a husband or child or stealthy purveyor of disliked legumes, bought the sunflower seeds. To be clear, and she was nothing if not clear, she doesn’t like sunflower seeds.

If that’s not emblematic of society today, I don’t know what is.

Future Disappointment

I remember watching the Jetsons years ago and being so excited for a future with flying cars, fully automated kitchens, and robot maids named Rosie.

Instead, here we are. With sex robots and Taco Bell delivered to our door.

All is not lost, though. There are some real-world inventions that I never would have imagined as I watched George walk Astro on the conveyor belt outside their floating apartment complex.

The Wine Rack: Ladies, rejoice. The Wine Rack is a bra that you fill with wine. It comes with a sipping nozzle (no, it’s not there, you perv! It’s on the side of the bra). You can carry your own booze with you anywhere you like.  This is as hilarious as it is genius.

The Better Marriage Blanket: Otherwise known as the fart blanket. Allows your husband (because we all know women don’t fart) to pass scentless gas.  This is going to save marriages because, according to a survey I just made up, farts are responsible for 62% of all divorces.

Rear Gear: At last. A solution to the annoying problem of your dog or cat having a butt.  No lie, these are stickers to put over the hole in your dog’s rear end.

Baby Mop: As someone who puts rags under her shoes to mop up spills because I’m too lazy to bend over, I applaud this one.  Stick this to your baby and as he crawls, he is polishing your floor. Sheer genius.

Diet Water: Not even going to try to explain this one. Apparently, getting fat by drinking water is a real issue.

Vertical Bed: You know, if you need to nap in line at the grocery store.

TV Hat: Wear your TV hat as you sleep standing up in your Vertical Bed.

Banana Slicer: Of all the fruits on the planet, the hardest to master is the banana.  Thank God someone invented this handy banana slicer.  For your added pleasure, you’ve got to read the comments on this one.

Neck Pro: Because having a licensed chiropractor to treat your neck pain is so “last year.”

Face Flex: Apparently, you can use this medieval torture implement to tighten and tone your facial muscles.  Scroll down the page to the short video.  Go ahead.  I’ll wait.

Seriously though guys, if we are ever going to have flying cars, end world hunger, and achieve world peace, we need to do better than this.

Ok, so, I know you’ve been waiting for me to comment on the sex robots, so here is my take. They have male and female sexbots, and, well, honestly, I’m not sure it’s a bad thing.  Although I am concerned about the “try for 30 days, money back guarantee.” Just ewww.

As for me, if they make a male robot who does dishes, cuts the lawn, and changes the oil in my car, I’m all in.

Here Comes the Sun

Spring, it’s my favorite time of year. The brighter days, the warmer weather, the return of flowers and green … the season works its magic to erode the melancholy Winter has left in its path. I’m not usually one to wax poetic (limericks, I’m told, don’t count) but even I understand that Spring is a season of hope and renewal.

There is a proverb:

No matter how long the winter, spring is sure to follow.

This is as true for life as it is for the seasons. To be honest, I find comfort in this concept, and I’m holding on to this thought with both hands as I push myself forward.

Image by Johannes Plenio from Pixabay

Although, in the spirit of full disclosure, I am equally driven by the words of the incomparable Robin Williams:

Spring is nature’s way of saying, “Let’s party!”