So. My colleague in the office next door just walked in to check on me as they heard me talking to myself, describing in detail the colorful Moroccan inspired curtains I want for my living room. I understand their concern, but seriously, how else will I get targeted ads for the exact ones I’m imagining? I could spend hours googling or searching through online shops… this is just so much quicker. Use your time wisely folks!
So, I’ve decided that in an attempt to live healthier, I will eat healthier foods. I know, right!? Aren’t you proud? I went to the store to stock up and after I got home and was putting things away, I realized that I had made a mistake with my groceries. I just hate it when I mean to get grapes, but instead, I accidentally get, well, you know… Oreos.
Oh well. Nothing I can do about it now. I mean, they’re here, so I can’t waste them. My mother taught me better than that.
Turns out, I’m essential… who knew? As an essential worker, driving on the roads for the past few weeks during the shelter-in-place for our state was amazing. Of course now that they’re reopening the state, all hell is breaking loose. But there for a while, there was no traffic; just breeze right on into work and right on home. My gas tank was loving it, that’s for sure. Bonus: it made for a much less ‘road-ragey’ kind of experience.
But the few people that were on the roads with me were determined to undermine my “serenity now” resolve. Even though there was minimal, and I mean minimal, traffic out there, those I shared the road with weren’t exactly good at sharing. Tailgating, dangerously weaving around people to the point of being completely ridiculous, quite like the chase scene from every heist movie ever made. I guess they were taking advantage of the empty roads to live out their Vin Diesel inspired fantasies. The car ones, people. The car ones. I just don’t understand why people are in such a mad dash to get somewhere. And you know damn well they’re rushing off to get somewhere they don’t want to be in the first place. While not rage-fuel, it’s been annoying.
Speaking of being annoyed, sometimes it’s the little things that get me, you know what I mean? I’m one of those people who are very adamant about the express checkout at the grocery store. If you have 12 items or less, all is good. Hell, I can even forgive that 13th item people so often sneak in. I’ve been there myself. But sometimes, you get behind that person who has a month’s worth of grocery shopping in their cart and have the nerve to get into the express lane. In my head, I start counting and when I get up past 30, I start to see pink (yeah, yeah, I know, it’s supposed to be “I start to see red,” but really, in the grand scheme of things, this isn’t truly a “sees red” kind of a situation, so I just “see pink”). You know that the poor cashier, who really just wants to be done with the day (and honestly, who can blame them), won’t or can’t say anything and according to my kids (killjoys that they are), it’s not my place to speak up either, but you best believe I’m giving that lady the old stink eye the whole time.
People not returning their grocery cart is something else entirely. I mean, honestly. The cart return is right there. I know I’ve ranted about this subject before, but still… I have zero remorse for cursing these “non-returners.” And I don’t mean throwing a few sentence enhancers out of my vast repertoire their way. No, I mean cursing, as in “may your errant cart roll backwards over your foot and then ding your car.” It’s a matter of basic courtesy. You grab a cart, you use said cart, and then you return the cart so that others can use it. It’s stupid easy.
Oh, and quick question, I realize the pedestrian has the right of way. I mean, of course they do. However, is there any point at all when a car is actually moving that the pedestrian should just look at the situation and say, yeah, umm… I think I won’t walk out in front of that moving car all willy-nilly, or behind it, for that matter.
I mean, come on people. Get your shit together.
I’m going to hell… again.
*Just in case you were wondering.
The bad news is, I just realized that I took the wrong medication this morning.
The good news is, I don’t have to worry about heartworms or fleas for the next three months.
Okay, figured out where the new bag of catnip went…
I’m back! Did you miss me? Yeah, you missed me. I’ll go with that, anyway.
Having my internet restored should be a good thing. And it is, it most definitely is. I mean, the internet is a pathway to the world around us in so many ways. Unfortunately, my need to be informed conflicts greatly with the newfound peace and quiet that came with the lack of WiFi, and as you might have guessed, jumping right back into the dumpster fire that is social media these days may have been the wrong thing to do.
Amidst the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic there have been a lot of, shall we say, questionable activities finding their way to social media feeds around the globe. Idiots desperately trying to amass a following by licking toilet seats or dragging their tongue across ice cream in the store, just to place it back in the freezer section for some unsuspecting patron to buy. Hell, there are people out there who aren’t even trying to be discreet about it and straight-up spitting, sneezing, or coughing on produce in the supermarket while shouting, “You’re all going to die!” or some such nonsense. This got me thinking about how our fellow humans just downright suck in my opinion. I apologize for the negativity, but I think I’ve mentioned it before… I hate people.
Let’s talk social media groups. I don’t understand people who feel the need to join groups they have no interest in for the sole purpose of just harassing the other members. For instance, your typical obnoxiously vocal misogynist joining a feminist group so he can harangue the female members. Or an alt-right conservative in a human rights group. Or an atheist in a Christian book club. Or a devoted meat eater seeking out a vegan group to espouse the virtues of his or her carnivorous diet. Or vice versa… a devoted vegan joining a group dedicated to hunting or BBQ recipes just to shame the people who partake in such things. I mean, I could go on and on. The thing is, most of these people are doing it just to amuse themselves as they read and reread their own ‘hilarious’ commentary, and bear witness to the anger and hurt left in their wake. Maybe it’s just me, but it sure seems like they have more time on their hands than sense.
Facebook has to be among the worst for this type of behavior. At one time, Facebook was used as a way to pump up your image, to project a perfect life or a perfect marriage or a perfect home or perfect kids. And yeah, some people still use it for that. But now, it seems that along with many other aspects of our society, and social media as a whole, Facebook has become a pit of negativity, abuse, harassment, and conspiracy theories. People wear their stupidity like it’s a badge of honor.
With these so-called trolls, the sky’s the limit to what they can and will get into, and the very real damage they can cause. Even before our current state of pandemic, where too many seem to have more than enough time to engage in hate, we, as a society, were spiraling downwards. It just seems like we’ve slid completely down into the pit rather too quickly for my taste.
So my internet stopped working on Wednesday. After a fun-filled day of talking with a variety of Verizon representatives, it was still out as of Thursday evening. Supposedly a repair tech will be out today between the hours of 10:00 a.m. and Midnight to fix “my problem.” Ha! As if! Until then, my friends, just talk amongst yourselves.
I realized recently that I am truly good at so many things… and get paid for absolutely none of them.
For instance, I’m excellent at choosing the wrong line. Oh, some people may be skilled at this particular ability while visiting the grocery store to which I say: amateur! Me, on the other hand, well, not to toot my own horn, but here lays remarkable talent, I tell you. I’m on top of my game in all sorts of venues — the grocery store, the gas station, the library check-out, the carnival ride, the train, the cab kiosk, even the McDonald’s. Yes, the McDonald’s.
Our McDonald’s has a new double lane drive-thru… and I kid you not, it makes no difference which lane I pull into, something, anything, will cause it to be delayed. The car in front of me may be purchasing 20 of everything off the menu, but not stating their demand in any sort of order whatsoever or with any sense of hurry. Hell, sometimes they have to phone home just to confirm they’ve got it right. “Hey, I’m here at the McDonald’s now. You want onions on that McDouble? No? You sure? Oh no, no rush, it’s not like people are waiting in line or anything. Take your time. It’s an important decision.”
Or perhaps the person taking the order decided to take a break. They say “I’ll be right with you,” but then they never are; probably they’re distracted by indoor customers or the constant barrage of impossible multi-tasking that’s required in their position. Or maybe they’re new. Or there are technical problems with the computer system and they can’t get the order to come up just right. It makes no difference. The end result is the same. It’s no longer fast food. I don’t blame the workers, their life is hard enough, and I don’t envy them their jobs. At. All.
It’s me. I’m the line delayer. That’s my job. And I’m good at my job. Damn good.
It was a lovely day, so I decided to walk around the neighborhood to get some exercise and let the beautiful weather work its magic on my curmudgeonly mood. It didn’t help the mood… after all these years, I’ve come to the conclusion that this is just who I am now, but it was still time well spent.
And yes. That is a cat in a stroller. Sitting on a cat blanket. Don’t judge me.