Affair of the Snowflakes

Although not animal related, this entry could kinda sorta be considered a rant. Do you ever read an article or news story that, while having nothing whatsoever to do with you, annoys you to no end anyway? That’s what happened to me the other day. I just mentally couldn’t let it go. So. Lucky you.

This should sort of go without saying, but my point of view is that someone who’s married really has no way to justify an affair. That may sound like common sense to many of you, but it’s not quite so cut and dry to a lot of others out there. I read this article yesterday about one woman’s dainty traipse through infidelity and couldn’t help but think to myself: “Well, isn’t that just lovely.” That’s a nice way of putting it anyhow. Remember, my New Year’s resolution was to try to be a better person (rein in the road rage and the like) so I’m trying my best to censor my evil thoughts.

In reality, I’ve essentially picked apart most everything this woman spouts off about and have pretty much an opposite view of how this whole marriage, commitment, and faithfulness thing should work.

The one sentence in particular that got to me was when she wrote, “I think that there are times, such as when your marriage is essentially over, and you are just in limbo mentally and emotionally, when a relationship that begins with an affair can end in a happy relationship.” Maybe it can. She might be right. I just personally believe that there should never be any overlap and thus never any way of really proving if that is true or not.

Your vows aren’t just something you say while you wait for the reception to start – they’re something you’re supposed to take seriously. And if your feelings change for whatever reason, no matter who is to “blame,” then you cut ties first before you move on to the next partner. It’s having a little thing called integrity and respect.

In my opinion someone in a troubled marriage should 1) try to fix the marriage somehow be it counseling, time apart, whatever, before 2) officially (a.k.a. legally) separating or divorcing prior to courting new romantic partners. Never should the twain meet.

Another thing that got to me about this piece was the very sly mention of her ex-husband’s substance abuse. “We failed at marriage in just about every way possible, all leading up to me saying “enough is enough” when it came to his substance abuse and… in the end… my falling in love with another man.” I’m sure a few steps were skipped in those literary leaps, but it sounds to me like his addiction was apparently enough rationale for an affair yet not quite bad enough to pack up the kids (who shouldn’t be around drugs) and move to a safer place. So she did what she needed to do to console herself – falling into the arms of another man, but her kids’ needs were secondary? Right. I see how that works.

She brings up many times in the article the age-old dilemma of if you can trust someone when you know they’ve cheated before. Can you trust a cheater? Well, according to her, she and her new man are “different.” They’re the exception to the rule. They’re unique. They’re the ultimate snowflakes. All other cheaters, yeah, you might have to worry about them, but not this woman and her side piece. They’re the real deal. It reminds me of the Seinfeld episode “The Deal” where Jerry starts sleeping with Elaine and he’s explaining to George that he and Elaine figured out the whole “friends with benefits” thing.

Jerry: Well, we’ve tried to arrange a situation where we’ll be able to do this once in a while and still remain friends.
George: (maniacal laughing)
Jerry: What?
George: Where are you living? Are you here?  Are you on this planet? It’s impossible. It can’t be done. Thousands of years people have been trying to have their cake and eat it too. So all of a sudden the two of you are going to come along and do it. Where do you get the ego?

So where does this woman get the ego to think she and “40” are the cheaters that have broken the mold? I’d bet dollars to donuts that most couples that began their relationship through infidelity thought to themselves or even went so far as to tell each other the exact same things. “I’ll never cheat again.” “This is the person I was meant to be with.” “I just needed to get that out of my system.”

There’s absolutely nothing unique about how she found herself in the middle of an affair, so why should the aftermath be anything above average either? Maybe they’ll make it, but I’d sure love to see the statistics on how many of these relationships have the partner cheating with someone else in the future and if so, how quickly.  And if they do make it, all I have to say is, they deserve each other. Is that harsh? Well, maybe my New Year’s resolution isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, but there you go.

Frankly, I find it a little sad that she’s straining so hard to get people on her team. Why do I say this do you ask?  Well…today I found yet another article she wrote about the same affair – although this time she took a different tack in her subsequent explanations.  In this one, she speaks to her marriage “being over,” how she was the only working on it for too many years and how it drove her into an emotional (and then physical) affair…blah blah blah. Really, for two people who are sooo different, the reasons for their affair have simply been done to death.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not judging her for having the affair. She’s an adult and can do whatever the heck she wants.  I’m judging her for trying to rationalize it. To justify something that has such ramifications to others around you seems amazingly selfish to me. How did her affair affect her kids? Not to mention what is she teaching them?  How about her ex (we don’t get much back story on him)? An affair doesn’t just touch two people. It has a massive ripple effect that she seems completely oblivious about.

So my advice, readers, is to cheat if you want to. I’m not your mom. Live your life. I simply ask that you own it. Have the balls to step up and say, yeah I cheated because I just felt like being selfish and putting my needs above those of my family. At least be honest and above-board about it.  Oh wait

Deadly Sins

We are now entering a judgment free zone, okay? This is a blog of trust and openness so please don’t roll your eyes too hard when I tell you that I recently watched some cable reality show called 7 Deadly Sins. Hey, remember, no judging! I swear it was my first time watching it. I had no clue what I was getting into.

If anyone else here has had the unique experience of seeing an episode you’ll understand when I say without hesitation that it is a truly awful show. So awful I couldn’t stop watching. It sucked me in like a UFO’s tractor beam or a vampire’s gaze. I was transfixed and couldn’t help it because the topic of the show was so disgusting.

Lucky me I had turned on the episode dedicated to Lust. Part of the show’s way to define lust and the various interpretations focused on this elderly ass of a minister (who was more than a little creepy) who actively advocates for men to cheat on their wives. The wife could know about it or be left in the dark; on this point he has no preference. He was going off about the merits of visiting brothels and using prostitutes, and cheating in general, as a way to save marriages.

According to him—the dashing geriatric Casanova that he was—when women get married, “they get the white picket fence, the two-year-old twins, the puppy dog, the whole nine yards. They lose interest in pleasing their man….” so sex isn’t as important to them anymore. What these docile housewives don’t remember is that, “…men need blow jobs and wives just won’t do that…so why not find someone who will…”

So creepy old guy…I mean, this devout, lovely old minister has boiled it down to basic black and white in a way that no one else can because he understands women soooooo well. Well, it’s a good thing we’re in a judgment free zone, otherwise I might have a couple of things to say about how absolutely freaking stupid this entire premise is. But I digress.

Now this cuckoo minister is out there actively leading a congregation of men seeking out the word of God, or in this case – the means in which to cheat on their wives.  He even found a loophole in the Bible where God supposedly approves of it. No really, he did. So their search is on the up and up (ha!). I wish I could remember the exact citation he used, but if you know your Bible, it’s the part where Jesus apparently reached out to and helped ‘the prostitute’ and didn’t look down on her or treat her badly. Therefore, according to this minister, God must be totally cool with prostitution and men cheating, because Jesus did not, and I quote, “cure the prostitute of her ways.”

Okay, sure, yeah, the logic behind that thinking makes perfect sense. I can see how that must mean God is okay with marital infidelity.  Hang on for a sec while I just bang my head on the wall a few times.

Giving credit where credit is due, the man even practices what he preaches. On the show they filmed him visiting a brothel and I have to say, he’s more well-known there than Norm on Cheers.

I hope you can see how it is I got sucked into watching the show. At least this one part of it, anyway (I didn’t sit through the whole hour, trust me, I just couldn’t). But the last part with the minister was the real kicker for me. I’m still cleaning soda off my duvet because the minister’s parting words during the final fade-out scene took me somewhat by surprise seconds after I had just taken a somewhat large swig of my drink. (Remember…no judging.) So — as he’s driving away from the brothel after some money well spent, he says to the camera, “If I ever remarry, I’m going to marry an ex-working girl because they’re submissive and really know how to treat a man.” Excuse me? Remarry? REMARRY!? Someone actually signed up for this in the past? What a shocker that didn’t work out. And there goes my lovely duvet all covered in diet Coke.

The gospel of misinformation this guy is spreading is on a ludicrous level. The utter misogyny seeping out of my TV screen reminded me of The Blob and I seriously expected Steve McQueen to parade around the corner at any moment to fight the beast off with a fire extinguisher of logic. Everything this so called “Minister of God” said was simply untrue.

  • Infidelity is okay according to the Bible!? Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t one of the Ten Commandments ‘Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery’? I thought the Ten Commandments were sort of a big deal in the Bible. Important even.
  • Women are bound to lose interest in sex after they get hitched? Maybe for him when his ex-wife realized she royally screwed up in the husband department. Or, according to his scenario: two year old twins, a house to keep up (white picket fence), a puppy dog, the whole nine yards, and apparently a man who believes in traditional roles (equals no help)…sure…I mean with a household like that, maybe the wife just doesn’t have much energy left over for sex. But in general?  Most women like sex. I hate to break it to you guys –  if you’re not getting any, it’s not because we don’t like sex or because we lose interest in sex.

I wonder what this fella would think about women cheating on their husbands? You know, to save the marriage. I’d bet my life savings he’d be against it. The wife would surely be branded as a hussy who doesn’t know how to respect her man or some BS like that.

At the beginning of the show, before I knew what I was getting into, the misogyny dripping off this guy made me livid, but then by the end I was in tears from laughing. He was such a parody of a true upstanding man of the cloth it was hilarious. Made all the funnier by how staunchly serious he was about his contradictory and crazy beliefs. People like this just kill me —and they are the ones who are SURE they have a golden place awaiting them in heaven. If they do, I tell you this, I’ll take hell any day of the week. And twice on Sunday.