being silly

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Thoughts from a Shower

I’m not sure why people always have their deepest, most sincere and profound thoughts in the bathroom.  Men are famous for flushing the toilet, opening the door and announcing, “I just thought of something.”  For women, we do our best thinking for the shower.

Sometimes, shower thoughts are genius:  We could solve world hunger if cow manure was edible.

Other times, they are life-changing:  I am going to invest my tax refund wisely instead of buying another pair of shoes.

And sometimes, they are rambling, incoherent, and pointless.

Ladies and gentlemen, I devote this entry to my rambling, incoherent and pointless Shower Thoughts. Lucky you!

  1. I know there are dogs who are allergic to fleas, but what if there are sheep who are allergic to wool?
  2. What if a turtle is claustrophobic?
  3. Are there cats who are afraid of mice?
  4. Are there mice who hate cheese?
  5. I know this has been pondered by better people than me, but what if the Hokey Pokey really is what it’s all about?
  6. Why do people say they are putting toast in the toaster? And for that matter:
  7. Why do people refer to their water heater as a hot water heater? If the water is already hot, why heat it in your hot water heater?
  8. Am I the only one in the world who knows that “penultimate” means second to last, and not top of the line?
  9. Why do we demand piping hot pizza when we have to wait for it to cool off before we can eat it? Why isn’t lukewarm, edible pizza a thing?
  10. Why do we say people who don’t eat much “eat like a bird” when birds eat half of their body weight every single day?
  11. If we’re at a restaurant and someone tells us our meal looks good, why do we say thank-you?
  12. How can every coffee shop have “the world’s best coffee?” They do mean OUR world – Earth, right? I guess they could mean Venus and not be wrong.
  13. Why does every person in a crime thriller shoot until they run out of bullets, and then throw the gun at their target? Has that ever worked?
  14. Why is “moist” such an awful word?
  15. Why do we “dust” when we clean our homes? Shouldn’t we be un-dusting?
  16. Are there any pilots who are afraid of heights? And if so, just don’t even tell me.

Okay, so where do you do your best thinking?  Any Shower Thoughts you’d like to share?  Feel free to spill, folks!  I’m always looking for proof that I’m not the only one with a mind like a mouse in a maze!

 

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Morning Routines

As I shimmy and shake and sweat during my usual morning routine, I wonder, who needs the gym or the cost of a personal trainer when all I have to do to get a serious aerobic work-out is put on my pantyhose every morning?  Come to think of it, there are some complicated yoga moves thrown in to my dressing ritual fitness regimen as well — I routinely contort myself into impossible positions worthy of a yogi master.

Aerobics, strength exercises, and yoga … hey, I’m nothing if not well-rounded. Ha! See what I did there? Well-rounded! Get it? Because being well-rounded is what necessitates my way-too-early-in-the-morning calisthenics session to begin with … because, I’m round, get it?  Oh, never mind.

 

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Relationship Goals

I apologize for the radio silence for the past couple of days. I won’t bore you with the details, but suffice it to say, cancer sucks. In fact, fuck cancer, and all of the insidious little ways it steals away your loved ones, even while they’re still here. No, it’s not me … but rather, my dad.  I may go into a long-winded rant about that another time. For today, seeing him and my mother together this past week (my whole life really, but especially in recent times of severe stress), I feel as though I might could be persuaded to dip a toe back into the dating pool yet again in an effort to find the kind of loyalty and love that my parents share. Yeah, yeah, I know my luck in that area has been less than stellar, but who knows? Maybe one of these times, it’ll all be worthwhile.

To that end, I found this nifty profile description that is really quite apt. Whatcha think? Is honesty really the best policy? Seriously though, if that special someone won’t share rainy days spent in our PJs while drinking God knows what and binge watching Netflix, are they really the one for me?

 

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I Choose You!

Okay, so, for those who don’t have a frame of reference, “I choose you!” alludes to the ever elusive Pokemon from a game which, up until recently, saw far more activity in my house than it had any right to. In this game, I’m told – because I never played, you’re supposed to throw a poke-ball at whatever poor creature you’re trying to capture, hit it in the head with said ball, and trap it. I’m not sure if it should be considered a fun game or serial killer training. But there you go.

Now that that’s cleared up, onward people. I was perusing the photos on my phone for no good reason when I came across one I could not remember taking. As it turns out, I didn’t take it. My daughter did, at some point during the Christmas season when we were out and about and her own phone’s battery had expired.

I CHOOSE YOU!

This is a handy-dandy form of mistletoe, if you ask me. Now, the reasonable part of my mind realizes that this mistletoe is made for “on the move” Christmas kissing and that the handle is meant for the bearer to simply “hold” the mistletoe over someone’s head. But…the asshole unreasonable part of my mind couldn’t help but think this would be an ideal tool for cracking someone over the head while simultaneously screaming: “I CHOOSE YOU!” It would certainly make that boring Christmas party a lot more interesting. Especially if the liquor is flowing and that hot guy from the corner office on the third floor shows up.

 

 

* Since we live in a day and age where stipulations have become a necessity, let it be known that I am in no way condoning or encouraging the use of said item for bashing someone in the head…whether for kisses or just because the person was annoying.  Okay, well, maybe if they’re annoying, but that’s IT people! 

** Per my lawyer’s advice, one more caveat: no-one, and I mean no-one, should ever come to this blog looking for advice. I am not responsible for my own actions most of the time, I certainly cannot be responsible for yours.