A Hell of a Deal

I don’t know about the rest of you, but this sounds like a bad idea if you ask me. A working LeMarchand Lament Configuration? No thanks. I’ve seen how this ends, and let’s just say… it’s not good.

click the image for a sneak peek… I swear, this is not a trick to capture your soul for all eternity

I get that Facebook, Target, Walmart, and all of the others are tracking our every move, but, come on! Demons too? Which, makes sense really, if you think about it. Everyone is so tied to their screens these days, finding souls to torment just isn’t what it used to be. No one plays with Ouija boards anymore. The only thing getting sacrificed is our sleep. And long gone are the days of intricate demon summoning rituals, where one had to meticulously follow ancient texts and endure hours of incantations. Who has time for that? The Cenobites have always been clever and have always been able to adapt to changing times. They also understand the value of efficiency. So, enter the latest breakthrough in demonic marketing strategies: a clickable ad. Online shopping for the soon-to-be damned.

There you are, innocently scrolling through your news feed, catching up on the latest cat videos, and there it is — the alluring, otherworldly puzzle box that promises unimaginable experiences.  A quick tap, and before you know it, your soul is on a one-way trip to an eternity of suffering and pleasure. All for a steal at just $19.99.