As I sit humoring myself with the laser pointer thingy, the ne’er-do-well thinks I’m hilarious. Or she’s completely done with the shenanigans and is finally going to give in to her long-suppressed demonic urges and suck my blood. Knowing her, it could go either way. It really all depends on how her day went.
You know, to be fair, the Grinch didn’t hate Christmas. He hated people. And I can completely relate to that, especially as I get older. Oh, who am I kidding … I’ve always been this way. I was, am, and will forever be Team Grinch. Long live the Grinch. Praise be and pass the eggnog.
Oh, didn’t you know? I’m a life coach now
. You’re welcome. That’ll be $50 please.
That little face though! I can’t even be upset at the news he’s telling.
As I shimmy and shake and sweat during my usual morning routine, I wonder, who needs the gym or the cost of a personal trainer when all I have to do to get a serious aerobic work-out is put on my pantyhose every morning? Come to think of it, there are some complicated yoga moves thrown in to my
dressing ritual fitness regimen as well — I routinely contort myself into impossible positions worthy of a yogi master.
Aerobics, strength exercises, and yoga … hey, I’m nothing if not well-rounded. Ha! See what I did there? Well-rounded! Get it? Because being well-rounded is what necessitates my way-too-early-in-the-morning calisthenics session to begin with … because, I’m round, get it? Oh, never mind.
Grow up, they said. It’ll be fun, they said. No-one will be the boss of you, they whispered. You’ll have the world at your feet, they claimed seductively.
Yeah, well. They lied.
On the plus side, I do get to have cake for dinner and no-one can stop me.
As we all know, the early bird gets the … chocolate. In preparation of Thanksgiving — hey! it’s not that far away! — I’ve finally found the perfect Thanksgiving Day turkey. Well, the perfect one would be a pet turkey named Henry, but since the condo board likely wouldn’t go for that one (ugh!), this alternative, I must say, is pretty damned awesome. I make no promises whatsoever on whether or not this gem actually makes it to Thanksgiving.
click the pic to see where you can get your own!