Petra, the Sort of Demon Slayer

Just so we’re clear, demons and ghosts are two entirely different animals. Oh sure, having a ghost about the house might not be such a bad thing, but demons on the other hand, you probably want to avoid them, if you can. I mean, sure, demons can be a decent sort, I guess… it’s just that ordinarily, they’re a little too heavy on the Hell and brimstone for me. Not to mention, the whole soul-stealing thing.

To avoid said demons, I always take my dog, Petra into the bathroom with me when I’m ready to take a shower. She might be small, but she’s a Hell of an alarm system. (ha!) Hey, don’t roll your eyes at me! I’ve seen the movies. I don’t want any demons escaping their netherworld home from under the sink while I’m preoccupied soaping up my hair. And what is it about demons under the bathroom sink, anyway? I don’t see the allure in it myself, but it seems that’s where all the popular demons spend their spare time. Then they come crawling out, in their creepy demon way, when unsuspecting victims are taking a shower.

So, anyway, to ensure a demon-free showering experience, Petra stands guard. Well, really, she lays guard… ensconced in the dirty towels, but the end result is the same. Demons watch out!

Why Petra, you ask? That little bit of a thing can’t protect anyone from demons, you might be thinking.  I suppose you’re right, it’s not as though she could attack the demon and drive it back with pure muscle… but you see, in case you’ve never watched any demon-centric movies, demons hate noise. They hate bright lights and they hate dogs. Demons prefer to work on the sly and loathe attention. As soon as anyone catches sight of them or even if the demon thinks someone is privy to their existence, they disappear or duck behind a door and bide their time for another shot at your soul.

And Petra? She likes to bark. Strike that, she loves to bark. When Petra spies someone she doesn’t know – and sometimes those she does know, she barks. If she hears a noise, she barks. That leaf blowing down the street two blocks down? Yep, worthy of a barkfest. If you want to draw attention to something or someone, just show it to Petra. She’ll let the whole neighborhood and the development next door know that something is amiss.

You might think, oh, seeing a demon would shut her up. You’d be wrong. The more anyone yells at Petra to stop barking, the more she barks. It’s like she can’t help herself. And when she’s afraid? Well, there’s just no stopping her then. She might not go running into battle, but she’ll most definitely sound the alarm. A nonstop, high-pitched, frenzied alarm.

Demon: *hears water running in the shower, thinks NOW is the time, pokes his head out from under the sink*

Petra: Bork?

Demon: Oh shi… well, hi there little doggo, what are you up to? Don’t mind me, I’m just a demon. We’ll just stay quiet, okay pupster?

Petra: BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK

Demon: Okay, fine, if that’s how you want to do this.

Demon: *using his best, most scary demon voice* I SAID BE QUIET DOGGO!

Petra: *quietly eyeing up the demon*

Demon: *smug as only a demon can be smug* Now that’s bette…

Petra:  BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK

Demon: *looking around frantically while desperately shushing Petra in a low, begging whisper* Oh now, come on little doggo, there’s no need for that, shhhh… it’s okay, just shhhh… heyyyy, wait a minute, I might have a treat here…

Demon: *throws Petra a treat*

Petra: *slowly creeps over, grabs the treat, and retreats*

Demon: *smiles a toothy demon smile and edges out further into the bathroom*

Petra: BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK

Demon: *facepalm*

Petra: BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK

Demon: *reaching out slowly to close the cabinet door* Okay, jeez, I’m going… see?? I’m leaving, I’m leaving, good grief.

Petra: Bork.

And there you have it, folks. The ultimate demon alarm.

Greatness Among Us

You know, I didn’t realize it, but we have royalty among us commoners at my humble abode.  Although, if I had been paying attention, I would have noticed sooner. I mean the evidence has been there, right under my nose and on my clothes, this entire time. It became evident the other day though as I was vacuuming said evidence off my couch.

May I present for your worship and adoration, ‘Shaylee the First, Her Royal Highness of Savagery and Grace, Defender of Her Realm, Queen of the Pillow Mountain and Surrounding Territories.’

royalty, in the flesh. bow down, peasant! you’re making an awful lot of noise with the vacuum cleaner, you know. i can’t really nap with all of the racket going on.

 

peasant! what are you doing, peasant!? more importantly, where are the treats!? i’m royalty after all. you’re still vacuuming? what the hell, peasant!? i want treats!

 

royalty is boring. i’m bored now. the peasant has failed to keep me entertained.