BRAINSSSSSSSSSSSS

If you’ve had the TV on anytime in the last month you’ve probably seen commercials for the new Luc Besson movie Lucy. In it Scarlett Johansson plays a woman who accidentally ingests a new wonder drug that allows her to access 100% of her brain. The same general concept has been done a few times before, the first one popping into my mind being 2011’s Limitless starring Bradley Cooper. The only real difference between the two is that Bradley Cooper’s character takes the drug voluntarily, whereas in Lucy our heroine has it forced upon her.

That’s all beside the point. The point is, they unlock the key to the vast expanses of their cerebral capacity where the mysteries of the universe dwell to redefine the meaning of life, spirituality, and awaken the subject to a new, uncharted level of humanity. As a result, hilarity ensues.

Imagine, if you can, if this happened to you. Someone walks up and presents you with a blue pill and a red pill. Take the blue pill and the story ends, you wake up in your bed and have the same brain power you had when you went to sleep yesterday and the day before that and the day before that and so on. Take the red pill and your brain becomes your Wonderland and you get to see just how deep the rabbit hole goes.

Wouldn’t it be horrible if after all that hype of opening up the billions of neurons in my brain I decide to take the red pill or get struck by lightning or whatever and I can’t do any of the incredible things they have in the movies!? Scarlett Johansson is levitating bad guys. Bradley Cooper is cracking open stock market patterns. Keanu Reeves is stopping bullets. John Travolta is learning Portuguese! (1996’s romantic fantasy Phenomenon, you guys).

If I ended up only being able to finally understand Algebra, I’d be livid (and slightly embarrassed). All I’m saying is that if I ever get the full power of my grey matter it better deliver. If I can’t figure out an easy way to rob a bank without breaking a sweat, then something’s not right. Not saying I’d do it, of course. It’d just be nice to know the option is out there.