I think…I just think perhaps…someone is hungry. And I wouldn’t be at all surprised if the troublemaker in the door was the one who put her up to it. Does that make Shaylee the feline mafia boss and the ne’er-do-well on the bed (aka Holly) the minion? These two often have a simple yet civil tolerance for each other — when they work together, it’s time to worry. BUT I’m the boss in this house and I’ll feed the critters when I’m dang good and ready. So there.
Okay…so if you’ll excuse me, I have to go now and feed the critters.
Do you ever get the feeling someone or something is watching you? I get that all the time. Weird.
You know it’s been one of those days when even the ne’er-do-well is giving you that “what the hell is wrong with you” look.
her condescension is going to give me a complex
Having just written about villains, I suppose it’s appropriate to come home to this scene. I mean, it’s just my luck, right? Two dastardly miscreants banding together cannot be a good thing, especially for me. The ne’er-do-well has had it out for me ever since I put a baby lock on the treat cabinet, thereby successfully foiling her ongoing thievery. Should I even try to sleep tonight? Or should I just fortify myself with caffeine so that I can keep a hyped-up eye out for trouble? The sad thing is, I’m not sure who is more nefarious…Penguin or the ne’er-do-well (aka Holly). For all I know, SHE’s the voice whispering evil-nothings in HIS ear, not the other way round. Say a prayer for me, my friends. I’m going to need all the help I can get.
The ne’er-do-well, aka Holly the evil cat, might be good at many things such as:
- being evil
- knocking things off the dresser in the middle of the night when it is otherwise dead quiet in the house
- being ON the dresser where she doesn’t belong
- using my stomach as a landing pad when jumping onto the bed at all hours of the night (I mean seriously, why not get on the bed from the bottom!? Or the entire other side!? Why must it always be from MY side and on my stomach??)
- deciding to sit in front of the TV right at the final 60 second climactic end of that movie you just spent over two hours watching
- training us all that she has a strict 5 pat rule before biting ferociously but then unexpectedly changing her mind 3 pats in
- crying lamentably in the dead of night from the other side of the house in such a way that you are sure she is dying until you drag yourself from bed just to go and see and there she sits, wide-eyed and innocent, in the middle of an empty room, doing nothing. And you fall for it. Every. Time.
- stealing dog treat bags – not just the dog treats she finds scattered about, mind you, entire dog treat BAGS – and ripping them open to eat the goodies inside…even if those bags are tucked away safely, or so you think, behind a cabinet door
I could go on and on with her stunningly positive attributes – but no. This entry isn’t a glowing reference to point out her striking demonic skills, but rather, it’s meant to shine a light on her more disappointing shortcomings. Specifically, her complete and utter failure to comprehend the simple rules of hide and seek. As you know, we take hide and seek seriously in this household and well, The Ne’er-do-well could use a little help.
And then…and then, I ate all of his turkey dinner too! He never even knew it was me! He thought it was the ne’er-do-well!
Er, umm…he’s right behind me, isn’t he?
Nothing good has ever come from a look such as this.