Beauty and the Derp.
Beauty and the Derp.
Okay, figured out where the new bag of catnip went…
Will the human servant ever get the ratio of ear scratches and belly rubs just right or must I bite them again today…
Don’t ever let it be said that I won’t share… and when my cat sticks her face down into my glass of bubbly carbonated fruit juice, I’m like, eh, whatever, have at it. But to then have the audacity to SNEEZE in my drink!?
Oh sure, the bubbles got up your nose, so you say, but I’m sorry, that’s simply taking it one step too far. Back in the day, I used to lick the Oreos so my brother wouldn’t eat them… I know what you’re doing here, my feline friend.
You know, I didn’t realize it, but we have royalty among us commoners at my humble abode. Although, if I had been paying attention, I would have noticed sooner. I mean the evidence has been there, right under my nose and on my clothes, this entire time. It became evident the other day though as I was vacuuming said evidence off my couch.
May I present for your worship and adoration, ‘Shaylee the First, Her Royal Highness of Savagery and Grace, Defender of Her Realm, Queen of the Pillow Mountain and Surrounding Territories.’
About time she took a nap!
Okaaayyy, sooo, I have to position her finger just right on the phone screen… HA! Got it! I. Am. In!
Pffft! Tell ME I’m on a diet, will she… who the hell does she think she’s dealing with, anyway!?
Alrighty then, what do we have here? Do I order the 25-case assorted treats or the 100-case special on the freeze-dried chicken bites? Hmmmm… decisions, decisions.
100-case special it is!
Labor Day, generally speaking, isn’t usually equated with a day of peace… it’s just not the theme for the holiday. But, still, miracles happen, and one such miracle happened in Maryland today. In fact, it’s a day that will go down in history.
Let it be known, that on Labor Day 2019, after a long-standing feud of 10 odd years, hostilities came to a halt, as peace talks, successful at last, brought about a temporary truce between two bitter foes. Weary from battle, these faithful warriors laid down their arms… umm, teeth… and sheathed their claws to meet, on common ground, for a well-deserved nap.
Will this newfound (dare we even say it!?) friendship last once these lifelong enemies have awoken? Or is this truce truly temporary? No-one in either camp is willing to end their slumber prematurely, so the future is uncertain.
For now, let’s simply revel in the unexpected tranquility and contentment reigning over the realm.
Tomorrow, as they say, is another day.
I know some of you are still upset over having lost the war of the scales… but, do you know what will make you feel better? Shaylee! When she’s not being all bite-y, she’s actually pretty cute. Here you go, I’ll share. You’re welcome.
You can pet me human … but only exactly three times, and not on my belly! What? I don’t care if I’m showing you my belly! It’s off-limits! Oh, and fair warning, if you get cute and try to pet me a fourth time, I will bite the ever-loving sh*t out of you.
Ahhh, you’re a good human. I’ve trained you well. Now, don’t move… I’m comfortable.
Someone, who shall remain nameless (*cough* Shaylee *cough cough*), seems to think that by being cute and kinda sorta not bitey for the few days before Christmas means Santa will forget everything that happened earlier this year.
Like the power cord that mysteriously chewed itself up, and the new power cord that chewed itself up in memory of the first one, or the dog who has bite marks on the top of his head … okay, well, that one was deserved. But what about the thumb drive that suddenly went missing because a certain four-legged someone likes to steal small, shiny things? What about that, I ask!? Or the broken hair dryer because someone just had to knock it off the sink because no-one would turn the water on?
Yeah, Santa indeed. You’ll be lucky if good ol’ Krampus doesn’t pay you a visit at this point.
Oh, who am I kidding? No-one can resist that face, even Santa.